Filed by Richard on Thursday, June 26, 2008 at 11:45 pm

So today I had a nice representative of Comcast place a colorful door-hanger on my front door. The hanger shows a Comcast utility truck, and a yellow sign at the top of the card that says “We are continuing to upgrade the fiber optic network in your neighborhood.” It goes on to describe how their “latest upgrade allows us to deliver the next generation of high speed Internet.”

We’ve had a parade of trucks in our neighborhood the last few months as giant spools of fiber optic cable have been pulled into place. So it’s nice for Comcast to let us know that the service is now available.

Except those f**ktard lying scumbags at Comcast aren’t the ones who have been adding fiber optic to my neighborhood; Verizon is the one that’s been systematically adding the fiber. Comcast isn’t adding fiber, and as near as I can tell has no plans to add fiber to my neighborhood or any other neighborhood, other than in a backbone sense.

Basically, the scum at Comcast are banking that my neighbors and myself will be confused by all of the work that Verizon has done and assume that it was actually Comcast performing the work. They are banking that their double-speak flyer will confuse us enough to assume that if we sign up for their new, faster service, that we will be getting the ”fiber optic” service that we’ve heard so much about. But their new service is 2 to 10 times slower than what we’ll be able to get from Verizon.

They know that Verizon hasn’t advertised their FIOS service to our neighborhood yet because they haven’t fully completed their work. Comcast timed their little note to arrive a few weeks before Verizon began their own advertising blitz, hoping (I assume) to tie up customers with a year-long agreement for their infinitely slower, infinitely lamer service.

Regular readers of this blog will remember that this isn’t the first time Comcast has tried to screw me or my family. It probably won’t be the last. And Comcast calls EVERY SINGLE DAY trying to get me to sign up for their new service. I never answer, but I’m looking at my caller ID unit right now and they’ve called 10 times in the last two weeks (I Googled the number and sure enough, about 7 million other people are getting the same calls).

Here’s the complete text of the door hanger, with my annoted thoughts:

“We are continuing to upgrade the fiber optic network in your neighbhorhood”
[Like every major Internet provider, we have fiber backbones to our networks. We periodically upgrade these networks and we’re currently upgrading one of our networks in your “neighborhood,” if you define neighborhood as somewhere in a 50 mile radius. But don’t for a second think that those trucks you’ve seen on your street installing fiber optic cable are OUR trucks. They’re not. Despite what we’re implying here, we have no plans to offer a direct-to-your-house fiber optic service.]

“Our latest upgrade allows us to deliver the next generation of High-Speed Internet with speeds up to 16 Mbps download and up to 2 Mbps upload”
[We are offering you speeds are significant slower than the 30 Mbps download and 15 Mbps upload that Verizon FIOS will offer. We hope you won’t notice. When we says “next generation” we are referring to the the next-generation in OUR product line-up, not the industry as a whole. Sure the 33rpm record is an improvement over the 78rpm record, but if a 5.1 surround track was available, wouldn’t you rather listen to that? Of course you would. That’s why we’re purposely obscuring the facts with our carefully constructed lies and mistruths.]

“You are now eligible to receive the new Blast speed tier. To sign up, simply call one of our local representatives at 1-877-393-8357″
[By Blast we mean slow, compared to our competition. Just be thankful that we’re letting you know about this “improvement” because the last time we offered faster speed for the same price, we didn’t even tell you about it for two years. We just kept you at the old speed until you called to ask about it. Then it took us all of 4 seconds to give you the same speed every new customer had been getting for the same price. God you are a stupid customer.]

“For more than 10 years, we have been making improvements to our fiber optic network in Washington neighborhoods just like yours. It is our pledge that we will continue to upgrade your neighborhood to ensure that you have the latest technological advances.”
[We hope that you assume that all of those trucks you’ve seen installing fiber optic cable in your neighborhood these last few months are our trucks. They aren’t. But we are confident that you are too stupid to realize it. We hope that the double-speak gobbledygook of this notice will lead you to the conclusion that we are installing a direct-to-house fiber option solution like Verizon is. We aren’t. In fact we’re banking that you’ve heard a lot of great things about what Verizon is doing, and we are piggybacking on their good press by describing our service like it is their service. It isn’t. Ours is an out-dated coaxial cable based service that is pushing its max limits. Verizon’s is a full fiber-based service that has a comparatively unlimited potential.]

Comcast, I hate you. I hate you so God damned much.

Filed by Richard on Sunday, June 22, 2008 at 9:39 pm

Still another edition of the Irving G. Thalberg-award winning podcast featuring Matt and Richard.

 

 Mustard 78 [55:00m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Filed by Richard on Sunday, June 22, 2008 at 6:25 pm

It’s been officially 50 years today since an anonymous thug murdered James Ellroy’s mother Geneva, destroying his childhood and giving birth to the demons that have driven the most original mind in crime fiction of the last three decades.

Filed by Richard on Sunday, June 22, 2008 at 12:21 am

In a mild fit of nostalgia I pulled out Toy Story tonight.

• I had no idea that Joss Whedon was the lead scriptwriter. I think I remembered somewhere that he wrote Alien Ressurection, but Toy Story? No idea.
• The end credits encouraged the viewer to  “visit ‘Toy Story” online at www.toystory.com”. Is this the first movie that had this kind of a credit? The movie came out in 95, which is before most people had even used the web. Must have been weird or jarring at the time…
• There’s no opening Pixar credit sequence; just a Disney credit (the Pixar sequence came at the end of the film).
• Though the film holds up really well, it’s interesting how simple the graphics seem now, and how basic the story is. It’s a truly great film, but it’s definately moving into that “classic film that we appreciate for it’s importance” mode.
• The genesis of the film is so long ago that the creators note on the commentary that they signed Tom Hanks before Philadelphia came out, and long before Forrest Gump and Apollo 13. And no one had even heard of Tim Allen.

Filed by Richard on Thursday, June 12, 2008 at 11:36 pm

The Colbert Report featured one of the most amazing and unexpectedly moving moments in the show’s history this Tuesday during an interview with Big Cats expert Alan Rabinowitz. It starts at about 1:10 into the clip:

Wow. As someone who has been an animal advocate in my personal life and for many different animal organizations, I am humbled by this man’s statement. Absolutely beautiful.

Filed by Richard on Sunday, June 8, 2008 at 6:41 pm

Another edition of the George Polk Memorial Award-winning podcast featuring Matt and Richard.

 

 Mustard77 [59:34m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Filed by matt on Sunday, June 8, 2008 at 2:59 pm

I like Universal HD quite a bit. They rerun Battlestar Galactica and Firefly episodes in HD and the signal quality is pretty impressive. I own the Firefly DVD set, sitting not 10 feet from where I am, and yet I’ll watch Firefly again in HD whenever the DVR records one from Universal HD.

I’m watching Solaris right now, the underappreciated Steven Soderbergh film, on Universal HD. It’s a very subtle film with a very specific mood. And I’m watching it, surfing the web for iPhone rumors and very much into the soft subtle mood the film has created. And then WHAM, a loud commercial for hair plugs. I got so used to movies on HDNet or HDTheater being commercial free that I just assumed all HD films were commercial free. With a DVR it’s not a huge deal to skip the commercials but when you’re not expecting it and you’re a film snob… well it’s sub-optimal.

On a side note the score to Solaris is amazing. One of the few soundtracks I actually went out and bought. I listen to it frequently at work as its fairly calming.

Filed by matt on Saturday, May 31, 2008 at 5:49 pm

I bought, played, and finished the Penny Arcade game, On the Rain Slick Precipice of Darkness, Episode 1. I quite enjoyed it. I talked to Tycho a few weeks ago at a convention and he said it was a cross between adventure and RPG games in the vein of earlier Final Fantasy. I nodded along but having never played that series of games it really didn’t mean anything. It took me a few rounds of combat to get the hang of how it worked but once I “got it” I really enjoyed it. I found the play length ok and wasn’t put off at all by the $20 cost that others are bitching about. Their response to the cost issue makes sense to me - there’s a free demo - if you don’t like the demo no one’s making you buy the game.

The other notable event was that I actually got 9 of 12 achievements, or 75%. That’s pretty much unheard of for me and I’m very impressed with myself. I did have to consult an online guide for two spots I got stuck in - the last pair of FFs and the penultimate boss dude - I hadn’t fully grokked he wasn’t in the area I was looking.

A fully enjoyable game and I look forward to the sequels. 

Filed by Richard on Sunday, May 18, 2008 at 9:55 pm

Yet another edition of the Nobel Peace and Economics Prize award-winning podcast featuring Matt and Richard.

 

 Mustard76 [59:34m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Filed by Richard on Sunday, May 11, 2008 at 9:33 pm

Another edition of the Peabody Award-winning podcast featuring Matt and Richard.

 

 Mustard75 [57:57m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Filed by Richard on Friday, May 9, 2008 at 11:05 am

Every once in a while I’ll come across a positive review of a film that I had no intention of seeing; in fact I’d had a visceral reaction to the thought of seeing the film. Yet that review almost completely turns me around and I start mentally making plans to see the movie, then I just wander over to our friends at rotten tomatoes and suddenly my evening plans are freed up.

Filed by matt on Thursday, May 8, 2008 at 7:39 pm

Mike Birbiglia is a comedian I’ve been a fan of for a few years now and he was on my friend’s radio show this morning. He shot a pilot for CBS a month or so ago and is waiting to hear if it gets picked up. Since I’m on his email list I knew that already but the appearance is what’s prompting the post.

The setup sounds like a sitcom from years ago - by which I mean a show is built around a comedian’s act as the comedian plays a version of themselves that has been presumably a bit focus-grouped. Seinfeld and Everybody Loves Raymond are some successful examples, or now that I think about it the Cosby Show or Newhart. Mike said that Bob Odenkirk is playing his brother, and what’s coincidental about that is that Bob is getting back together with David Cross to do a similar sitcom setup at HBO built around David. Sitcoms as a format have taken it on the chin lately and I think it’s interesting that two are in development (potentially) that I would love to watch.

I met Mike a few years ago - I was working part time at a radio station and he was doing a live appearance on my friend Marty’s show in advance of playing a comedy show for the station. I was in the area and decided to rather rudely barge in and say hello. He was super nice and encouraged me to write him an email but I never did. I was worried I wouldn’t have anything bright to say other than gee I think you’re pretty funny.

Something I’ve noticed as I’ve grown older is an attachment to the stars and celebrities that are from your generation that I don’t feel with the previous generation. I can look at the Sarah Silverman show and think it’s great that she’s doing so well but I remember when she was doing guest spots on Mr. Show. Or thinking that maybe everyone knows Jack Black now, but I saw him in Tenacious D when it was still a 15 minute bit on HBO or being a fan of Ben Affleck’s since he was in Kevin Smith’s movies. It’s not really the “I knew them when they were cool and now they’ve sold out thing” - it’s more like feeling validated that someone you thought was awesome when they were still small time is now doing really well. And if Mike’s show gets picked up my excellent taste will be validated. And I totally could have been his email buddy.

Filed by Richard on Wednesday, May 7, 2008 at 7:15 pm

Having just finished the full story of Grand Theft Auto IV, I’m left with clear conclusion that Rockstar does not care a whit about Xbox Achievements. When was the last time you spent 35 hours completing the basic storyline of a game and only earn 135 out of 1000 possible points?

Yup, you read that right. You only get 135 points total points for completing GTA IV’s story mission; a few random achievements here and there and then 60 points for finishing the whole thing off.

Make no mistake, GTA IV is a giant game, with more opportunities to spread around the achievement love than any other game, ever. With a new multiplayer component, and dozens of possible side-missions (like assasinations and stunt jumps), it’s clear that spreading achievement points around would be a challenge.

But judging by the implementation of points, it is evident that the folks at Rockstar didn’t even bother trying to meet the challenge.

Typically in Xbox 360 achievements are doled out relatively regularly, while putting a premium on finishing intense or challenging levels. Obviously GTA IV could not offer achievements after every level, because there is like 75 in all before you finish the game. But you would think that you wouldn’t be able to go like 15 hours between getting achievements during the normal course of play, as I did, wouldn’t you? You’d think the achievements would always come after noteworthy challenges, not seemingly random levels, wouldn’t you? You’d also think that you would have much more than 75 points under your belt for 35 hours of work, just before you get the final “you won” achievement.

Here’s a tip for Rockstar, try to estimate how much time your typical user is going to spend on activities and dole out your achievements accordingly. If the vast majority of your users are going to spend their time on the story, make that the focus of your achievements. And spread those achievements more regularly.

But Richard, you say, none of this is proof that Rockstar hates achievements. This may be true, but how do you explain the utter lameness of the graphics for the achievement logos? (they look like stick figures that I drew in 2nd grade). How do you explain that they didn’t bother to develop any secret achievements? (Something that almost every other great game does…). Why aren’t any of the achievements particularly clever? (The only thing clever I found was the naming of the achievement where you score with your girlfriend “Warm Coffee.”)

And most egregious of all, why do you have to sign out of GTA IV and log onto to the main XBox screen to simply see your achievements? The menu screens of GTA IV are so detailed that you can track how many hot dogs you’ve eaten, how many miles you’ve walked, your favorite hat, etc., but apparently there wasn’t enough room to tell you what achievements you accomplished (It seems clear that they are attempting to make the experience identical on the PS3 and the Xbox, right down to the menus… even if that means leaving out stuff that you will find on every single other Xbox in-game menus).

Microsoft paid Rockstar a reported $50 million dollars to provide some exclusive content for the Xbox… you’d think for that money they would have put just a tiny bit of effort into making this game ever-so-slightly unique for Xbox users.

Filed by matt on Sunday, May 4, 2008 at 8:41 am

Watched Smokin’ Aces yesterday and it was not what I expected. If you’ll recall, and I concede that there’s no reason you would want to, the commercials for it showed a lot of wacky hitmen trying to kill Jeremy Piven in what looked like pretty much an hour and a half gunfight and maybe 30 minutes of setup. But nope - all of those hyperkinetic scenes begin to dribble out maybe a quarter way through and while there is a sort of ultimate gun fight, it’s punctuated by regular old scenes that are just normally kinetic.

There’s some nonsense about a “twist ending” that is foreshadowed so early that its pretty easily determined early in the film. The last scene was interesting if for no other reason that it seems to belong in a completely different movie. Overall it’s not a bad movie but the marketing for it led me to expect something different then what was delivered and that is so irritating that it prevents me from really enjoying it.

Filed by Richard on Saturday, May 3, 2008 at 5:12 pm

So I’m about 25 hours into GTA IV right now. The entirety of the world is right; it’s a great game. No point in wholly dwelling on what’s so great, let’s delve into what’s not-so-great.

Achievements: I can’t figure out why, but Rockstar doesn’t seem to like XBox 360 achievements. Sure you earn achievements, but you can’t even find out what achievements you’ve earned while in the game. The in-game menus tell you in the most minute detail how long you’ve been walking, your favorite restaurant, your favorite weapon, and about 50 million other details. But you have to log off the game, and open up your main Xbox menu to find your achievements.

And I cannot think of another game where I’ve dutifully followed the story, put in 25 hours of time, and only earned 50 POINTS! To give Rockstar the benefit of the doubt, the game has so many different possible tasks that they had to spread it around a bit, but how many games are there where you can be 90% done with the main story line and only have earned 5% of the available points?

Microsoft famously paid Rockstar $50 million bucks to have some exclusive content for the XBox system; they should have also required them to make the achievements a bigger deal.

 Despite what so many people have said about this game being completely revolutionary; it’s clearly simply an extremely good, evolutionary step in the GTA franchise. And that’s a good thing. It’s really not that different from all of the GTA III games; just much more detailed, much better written, and much better looking. But the same things that we got used to 8 years ago are still there: buildings and enviroments “appearing” before you as you outrun the computer’s computational power; certain rare cars appearing by the dozens after you find yourself driving one, etc. Much has been made of the independent suspension that cars have now incorporated; it’s definately there, but the driving just feels absolutely identical to the last few games.

The game also features the same satirical take on violent, extreme America; with advertisements, TV shows, stores, etc. featuring extreme versions of right-wing commentators; liberal radio shows, etc. I found these elements as funny and interesting as in previous versions; which is to say I didn’t find them funny at all. Merely stupid.

Oh, and those neverending drives to certain missions? There still there; but thankfully most (but not all) of them can be eliminated by catching a cab–the best new feature of the game).

And back again is the too-low camera angle during driving that doesn’t allow you to see far enough ahead; you find yourself constantly adjusting the camera.

So far there are not any of the wacky missions that typified the last iteration of the game (no rocket packs… yet). And the missions seem pretty fluid, and beatable.

 But there are some issues of fighting in halls and inside buildings; the camera bounces around a bit and doesn’t allow you to always see your enemies; and the new cover system, similar to the system in Gears of War, really fails in some hallways as it bounces you from cover point to cover point, when you just want to release cover.

I played all of the previous versions of GTA on a pc, and I miss a favorite feature: the ability to create a radio station of my own MP3 files. Some of the long drive and car chases in this new game could really use AC/DC’s Hell’s Bells.

It’s clear that Rockstar has matured and recognized the inherent value of their IP; and didn’t feel the need to populate the actors with dozens of famous names. In the last two versions, almost every single voice heard was a famous one; I don’t recognize a single voice in this game (though there are a few famous people who play themselves: Ricky Gervais, Katt Williams, Iggy Pop). They also did not bust open the music licensing money chest like they did in the last two versions; Many reviewers have found the music choices sublime and effective; I found them annoying and second-tier. I immediately turn off the radio whenever I get in a car.

 Another minor quibble; the phone that you use (it’s your lifeline really), has a screen that’s too dark to read, especially text messages). It helps later when you get a newer, brighter phone, but not by much.

All of these quibbles aside, it’s obviously a truly great game. In terms of pure gaming experience; I think Bioshock is a better game, but this is a pretty good second place. We are definately in the golden age of console gaming…